The most practical -- and legal -- companion through divorce ever published. Like most people who are going through a separation or divorce, you're probably wondering "What's next?" at every turn. So turn to Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce for clear answers that can help make your divorce as simple and inexpensive as humanly possible. With compassion and understanding, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce will help you: -understand the divorce process -work with mediators or lawyers -avoid expensive and painful court battles -figure out alimony -establish child custody and visitation -determine child support -divide money and property fairly -draft a marital settlement agreement -deal with divorce emergencies -address post-divorce issues -find helpful resources -and much more On every page, this book stresses the importance of minimizing conflict, explains complex legal problems concisely, and provides advice on how to protect your interests. Plus, easy-to-use charts make it easy to find the divorce laws of your state. Plenty of books out there claim to cover divorce thoroughly, but only Nolo has the reputation of consistently delivering clear legal expertise and invaluable insights. Trust Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce to help you through every step.

Getting Oriented Intro Whether you're thinking about getting a divorce or have already begun the process, you undoubtedly have a lot of questions. Will you have to hire a lawyer and go to court? What will happen to your house? Who will get custody of the children? How will you make ends meet? On top of all these practical concerns, the end of a marriage is an intensely emotional time. No matter who makes the decision, both spouses are likely to experience enormous grief over the loss of a relationship that started out full of love and hope. You probably feel disoriented and possibly somewhat lost. You need to take care of yourself, and one way to do that is by learning about the legal and practical issues you're likely to face. This chapter gives you an overview of the divorce process and answers common questions. It also defines some important words and concepts you'll need to understand as you wade into this unfamiliar territory. Once you have this information, your divorce should be easier, smoother, less frightening, and less costly. A. Taking the High Road As you go through your divorce, time after time you'll be faced with the same kind of choice: give a little bit or stand firm on principle. Agree to send your kids for visitation early on a day your spouse is off work or hold to the visitation schedule as if any deviation would be fatal. Go with your spouse to a parent-teacher conference or insist on scheduling separate meetings. Offer an olive branch or fire off a scathing letter. It may not seem true now, but the best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to take the high road as often as you can. Compromise. Consider the other person's feelings. Do what's best for your kids. Think about negotiating solutions that work for everyone, not just you. Whenever you can, don't create or escalate conflict. You don't do these things just because they're morally superior to pettiness and vindictiveness. Experienced divorce lawyers and family therapists will tell you that the angriest people end up hurting their own interests and dragging out the pain by their refusal to give an inch. No question, it is very difficult to make reasoned decisions when you're in emotional turmoil. You may be very angry at your spouse; you may be deeply hurt by an affair or another betrayal; you probably feel that you can't get away from the situation quickly enough. And if your spouse is abusive or otherwise impossible to work with, you may know from experience that efforts at compromise will probably be wasted. But in the vast majority of situations, a little compromise goes a long way -- and if you do choose the high road, then when you look back on this time, you will feel good about the choices you made. You'll also feel good about having done right by your kids. The other thing that experts agree on is that although divorce is difficult and stressful for kids no matter what, the real harm to kids comes from being subjected to conflict between parents. The longer that lasts, and the more severe it is, the worse it is for your children. If you truly want to shield your children from the pain of divorce, recognize that the more you take the high road with your spouse, the better job you'll do. Resources Help communicating with your spouse. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen (Penguin) has practical advice about how to prepare for difficult talks and communicate successfully about hard topics.

 

The most practical -- and legal -- companion through divorce ever published.

Introduction: Your Divorce Companion 1. Getting Oriented Taking the High Road Separation or Divorce? Annulment Family Court Kinds of Divorces Property, Custody, and Support Getting Help from Experts 2. First Steps After You Decide to Divorce Breaking the News Where Will Everyone Live? Gathering Financial Information Managing Your Family's Money Getting Legal and Other Professional Help Early Taking Care of Yourself 3. When You Can Agree: Uncontested Divorce Basics of the Uncontested Divorce Summary Dissolution for Short-Term Marriages Default Divorce Preparing and Filing Legal Papers How the Other Spouse Can Respond Negotiating a Settlement and Preparing a Marital Settlement Agreement Finalizing Your Uncontested Divorce 4. Working It Out: Divorce Mediation Why Divorce Mediation Works What Does Mediation Cost? Is Mediation Right for You? Suggesting Mediation to Your Spouse Choosing a Mediator Choosing and Working With a Lawyer The Mediation Process How to Make Your Mediation a Success After the Mediation, the Paperwork If Mediation Doesn't Work 5. When You Can't Agree: Contested Divorce and Trial Finding the Right Lawyer Paying the Lawyer Is Fault a Factor? Getting Started Gathering Information for Trial: Disclosures, Discovery, and Digging Up Dirt Settle, Settle, Settle! The Pretrial Conference Anatomy of a Divorce Trial After the Trial 6. Custody Decisions and Parenting Physical and Legal Custody The High Road: Agreeing With Your Spouse on a Parenting Plan Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce Making Shared Parenting Work Trying to Get Along With Your Ex When It Comes to Divorce, Grownups Are Kids, Too 7. Custody Disputes The Low Road: Fighting It Out in Court How Courts Handle Custody Disputes If the Custodial Spouse Interferes with Visitation If One Parent Wants to Move Away Drug and Alcohol Abuse 8. Child Support Who Pays Support? Temporary Support While the Divorce Is Pending Working It Out Yourselves How Courts Decide Support Amounts Estimating Child Support in Your Family How Support Is Paid Each Month If You're the Recipient: Enforcing Child Support Orders If You're the Paying Spouse How Long Support Lasts If Circumstances Change Taxes and Your Children Health Insurance 9. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Basics of Marital Property Taking Inventory What Property Gets Divided Identifying Community Property Getting Financial Information Is Your Spouse Hiding Assets? 10. Yours, Mine, and Uncle Sam's: Dividing Property You're in Control How Judges Divide Property What to Do With the House Dividing Your Other Assets What to Do With a Family Business Dividing Debt Tax Consequences of How You Divide Property Retirement Benefits Money Now and Later 11. Spousal Support and Health Insurance Types of Spousal Support and How Long They Last How Courts Set the Amount of Support Negotiating Support With Your Spouse Planning for Disability or Death of the Supporting Spouse Changing the Amount of Spousal Support Later Tax Planning When You Pay or Receive Support Keeping Health Insurance in Force 12. Getting It in Writing: Preparing Your Marital Settlement Agreement What It Is, What It Does Creating the Agreement Negotiations Doing the Math Consulting a Lawyer Completing the Paperwork 13. Critical Care: When Things Really Go Wrong 14. After the Divorce 15. Getting Help, Finding Information, and Looking Stuff Up Appendix Grounds for Divorce Financial Inventory Net Worth Summary Monthly Income Daily Expenses Monthly Budget Index

“The cost of this book is equivalent to about six minutes of an attorney's time.... the author can save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars in legal fees...”

 

"In this well organized and easy to read book, readers can find succinct, practical answers to all the tough questions about divorce."

 

"An invaluable resource for anyone in need of good, commonsense advice about how to get through a divorce."

 

Emily Doskow is a practicing attorney and mediator who has been working with families in the Bay Area for more than 15 years, as well as an author and editor for Nolo. She specializes in family law, including adoption, parentage issues, domestic partnership formation and dissolution, and divorce. She is a graduate of the Boalt Hall School of Law at the University of California at Berkeley and currently resides in Oakland.

 

Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce by Emily Doskow
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